Reading a book

So I read The Hobbit. I really don't read a lot of books. That is why this was a difficult read for me. It was hard to pick up a lot of things but I kind of caught on eventually. I had seen all the movies before I read it, but the book was better from what I got out of it. Honestly, they added a lot of things to the movies to add time. It's all about the money. But this isn't about the movies, the book is a definite read. If you haven't read it, read it! I would summarize it, but I'm going on a limb and assuming you guys have seen the movies and know what it's about. I plan on reading the rest of the Middle Earth books. I'll try to remember to blog about them and what I think about them.

#realtalk

i'm going to be honest with you...

i'm a tourist...

i was fine for the first term but dropped off the deep end and couldn't get myself to post anymore

this is probably the hardest thing to admit and i didn't do it on purpose

i wanted to be real with my posts

it was a release for me

i really only used the blog as a release

once i found truth in my life (not fully but to an extent) i didn't really find a need for that release and never posted

Here's to the tourists like me

My name is Chris Smith and I'm a tourist
(admitting to it is the first step to recovery right? or is it a disease that you can't recover from?)

Death

Why do we need to talk about death...?
We have life. We live and breath. We shouldn't take that for granted.
We have limited time. Why should we waste it?

Esrever

...hsifles etiuq s'tI .ton m'I dalg m'I ,semit rehto tuB ?ecaf ot sah enoyreve taht smelborp eht htiw laed ot evah t'ndid uoy hsiW ?enoemos htiw secalp esrever ot detnaw uoy taht noitisop dab a hcus ni neeb reve uoy evaH

Fears

I'm afraid of the past
Of what it might do to me

I'm afraid of the silence
Of what I can't hear

I'm afraid of my crush
Of what I can't say

I'm afraid of nothing
Of not doing anything in life

I'm afraid of...

How to get through highschool

1. Don't listen to anybody. "You are beautiful". You are! Listen!

2. "Don't listen!!". You are beautiful.

3. Create new scars
          This isn't even about the scars or high school
                    This is about sanity over survival

4. Cut the voices out. "You are such a freak"

5...

1. Find a thick, believable story

2. Become that person

3. Don't be yourself

4. Pretend that you have always had a great life

5. You can't look like you're alone. It has a bad rep

6. Go hang out with people that you try to fit in with

7. Netflix? Hell yeah

8. Pretend you know what's going on

9. Write your horrors down

10. Burn it... BURN THE PAST... Forget it... Be you...

11. Forget 1-8

Lie

We all lie. Whether it's to get out of trouble. Or maybe so you don't get asked more questions. Or even hide a deeper secret. My whole life was a lie. I acted so people would think I was decent person. But I am filled with demons. Always have been. Whether if the bullies put them there, or I let them in has yet to be found. I lied to my family.

For 17 years I acted a role that I was never made to play. When you decide that you are done acting, done losing your sanity, that's when you start to feel better. The hardest part of it all, is hurting the very one person that you love. The one that you know will be hurt the most. And they will want release, because "you don't see life the same way". You don't meet eye to eye on things.