How to get through highschool

1. Don't listen to anybody. "You are beautiful". You are! Listen!

2. "Don't listen!!". You are beautiful.

3. Create new scars
          This isn't even about the scars or high school
                    This is about sanity over survival

4. Cut the voices out. "You are such a freak"

5...

1. Find a thick, believable story

2. Become that person

3. Don't be yourself

4. Pretend that you have always had a great life

5. You can't look like you're alone. It has a bad rep

6. Go hang out with people that you try to fit in with

7. Netflix? Hell yeah

8. Pretend you know what's going on

9. Write your horrors down

10. Burn it... BURN THE PAST... Forget it... Be you...

11. Forget 1-8

Lie

We all lie. Whether it's to get out of trouble. Or maybe so you don't get asked more questions. Or even hide a deeper secret. My whole life was a lie. I acted so people would think I was decent person. But I am filled with demons. Always have been. Whether if the bullies put them there, or I let them in has yet to be found. I lied to my family.

For 17 years I acted a role that I was never made to play. When you decide that you are done acting, done losing your sanity, that's when you start to feel better. The hardest part of it all, is hurting the very one person that you love. The one that you know will be hurt the most. And they will want release, because "you don't see life the same way". You don't meet eye to eye on things.

What's Red And Bad For Your Teeth?

A classic anti joke. The answer is "A brick". But it's true and this subject is impossible to write about. Some how relate to it bullying or how shitty life is. But I'm drawing blanks here. This post is as simple as a brick and I'm sorry. No inspiration. Bricks just aren't my thing I guess.

High School Love

Oh high school. Why do you have to be so boring,
                                                                     sad,
                                                                     depressing,

                                                                     fun,

                                                                     exciting,

                                                                     full of emotion,

                                                                     ...

                                                                     full of love?

I think I found love? Maybe not... It feels like it. Or did. I don't know. But when you tell them the truth. About how you want to live life, it falls apart. We realize we can't be together for life so maybe it's not love. But this isn't about me. It's about the other individual. But it feels like love.

You're supposed to make them happy,

                                open the door for them,

                                listen to them,

                                help them with their problems,

                                love them?

Of course you're supposed to love them! But do you love them? In love with them? Or both? If you think it's love... You're probably... Thinking off emotion. The hype of having someone like you back? But did you make it past the first month? Did you fight? Love will have fighting. If you don't fight... I don't know what it is. I can't determine that for you. But it feels like love.

Love makes you feel happy,

                                  sad,

                                  joyful,

                                  frustration,

                                  jealous?

All the feelings and emotions of love! Isn't it so wonder.... No! It's not wonderful and candy lollipops all the time! What were you thinking even going into this? It requires hard work to keep it together. From not losing your wits... Screaming out... Staying up all night to cry... But it feels like love.

But it feels like love.

To This Day

Sharing my favorite poem thing whatever you would call it because it's so good.

#sorrynotsorry

Have you ever apologized for something you're not really sorry about? Happens all the time. You do it so they feel better. You do it for them. That's contradicting my other blog post about being honest to yourself. And how you need to tell the truth and in this case you aren't. But it's life, we are human and by nature most of us lie to avoid emotional or physical trauma. Plus I used a pound sign (what most people call hashtag for some reason) and I hate them.

Human

Humans are so strange. The way we sing and dance. The movement, the shape, the weird freaking thing in the back of your throat that they named a uvula. But what makes us human? Is it the emotions? Is it the way we feel for others? When you know you've hurt someones feelings and you feel guilty? I think that's what makes us human.